lets start NEW!

today was a hard day... the last couple of days have been hard. i came up with the conclusion that when i'm bored i think... not just think i mean i THINK! which like i examine my boring life and pic out everything that's wrong with it. which could make anyone depressed. Think about my friends that Ive chosen and the family i was born with. Self searching seeing were i belong in this heck-ted thing i call life?

What are friends? i had to look that up today. the definition from www.dictonary.com was:
friend- a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
when i read this i felt as if i didn't have one of these. Even tho i have a best friend whom i luv with all my heart... the definition was plain/strict to the point. but for some reason i didn't think i had friends. or neither a friend. what was this why was i doubting my long term friendship that Ive had since we were 13. Why? i asked myself. Why didn't i think she was my friend? Did i not like her? Are we growing apart? What was it? then it occurred to me why i have had this thought its because i only have her. and when i don't have her or shes away with some other friends that she has. i feel alone as if i don't have her. i thought to myself I NEED SOMEONE ELSE. someone other than her. i need someone like her but not her. i need another best friend! not to replace her but just to have another person to confide in...

So my new quest is to find someone that i just click with someone that's like me but not like me! have you ever went through this dilemma!?